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How can you tell if a guy is just flirting or is actually into you? This question is difficult to answer. You'd need rare, hard evidence of a guy's feelings. What makes finding out more difficult is that the guy himself probably doesn't know how he feels about you-whether he is just flirting or harboring genuine affection for you. The four indicators? The Flowers, The Date, The Rescue, and The Gift:
The Flowers
When he sends you flowers he is saying that, gosh darn it, this time he's serious. No, really. Guys do not understand the concept of flowers. More bluntly, they do not like flowers. Any guy who says he likes flowers is a big liar. Any guy who claims he understands why girls love flowers is an even bigger liar.
This is best illustrated by the sad tale of the guy who gave a girl a beautiful bouquet of red roses. There were only two problems: one, she had expressly told him she hated red roses, and two, they were made of plastic. Plastic. That way, he explained, they would last forever. From this example, it is obvious that not just any old flowers will do. Sadly for this, price does matter. A guy should know enough not to appear cheap when it comes to flowers. By his choice, he says that no extravagance is too great for you. By giving flowers, a guy is saying that, although he may not understand the gift, as long as it makes you happy, heck, it's fine with him. And although he thinks the money he plunked down at the florist's may have been better spent on a down payment for a PlayStation 2, it's fine-as long as it makes you happy. He's implicitly admitting that your needs-as inscrutable and mysterious as they are-will never take a backseat to less important things like food and medical care.
The Date
This is potentially the most nerve-wracking experience a guy can ever go through. He has to invite you, in person, if possible. It must be for dinner.
No, The Date has never been successfully conducted at a fishball stand. It has to be only the two of you, no best buddies or friendly neighborhood chaperones allowed. And no, your parents shouldn't happen to be eating at the same place that night. He must pick you up at your house and bring you back afterwards. He must get down from the car and talk to your parents. He must be suitably attired-at the very least he must be wearing a clean shirt. He must open the passenger door for you. Dinner must be at a place with real cloth napkins, and not where the waiters come to your table to sing Happy Birthday To You. He must pull your chair out for you. He must suggest an appropriate entree and an acceptable dessert from the menu (which he must have studied well in advance). And it's not enough that he just sits there during the meal. He must regale you with stories of his latest exploits and listen intently to everything you say. and at the end he must pay generously. Only after you've told him what a wonderful time you had and close the front door is he allowed to collapse in a heap from sheer exhaustion. The reason this is a good indicator is that he has nowhere to hide during the entire duration of The Date. No dark movie theater to sulk in, no vast mall to lose yourselves in. It is just the two of you. He knows that if he is a colossal boob, now will he be revealed. He is not afraid to show you the best side of himself. The Date will also reveal whether or not he is willing to make the extra effort to please you. His only reward? Just the promise that the two of you should do this more often. Really.
The Rescue
It may be as simple as the old "save-me-my-blind-date-stood-me-up" kind of rescue. Or the "help-my-car-stalled-can-you-please-come-and-get-me-I'm-somewhere-in-Navotas" kind of deal. Girls may resent the idea that they need rescuing. No, this is not to imply that the female is incapable of taking care of herself. The reason why a guy must do the rescuing is to discover if he can overcome his capacity for sloth and his ingrained instinct to do as little as possible.
The Rescue works as an indicator simply because of this: if he is willing to drive to Navotas on a night before a big exam, or to keep you company instead of watching a Sugar Ray concert, then he must like you. Either that or he is crazy. Either way, at least you know.
The Gift
This could be just about anything: a poem written on an antique postcard, a square of finely etched crystal, a painting of a horse. What is important is that it is freely given... and that he made a supreme effort to make it as perfect as possible.
The Gift can never be given out of a desire to impress, or worse, out of guilt. Too often, guys simply give girls the most expensive thing they can afford. While this gesture is often appreciated, it is seldom remembered.
The Gift must be something you will treasure even if things don't work out between you. It must be something you can proudly show to your friends, years after the two of you have moved on to college, graduate school, maybe even different countries. It must, therefore, be something that money cannot buy. It must be something only the giver can offer.
What makes it different from flowers is that in giving The Gift, the guy is no longer saying, "Hey, whatever makes you happy." What he is actually saying now is "This is a part of me. This is what I think will make you happy. Please do not throw it in the trash along with the plastic flowers."
In sum, if a guy presents you The Flowers, invites you on The Date, performs The Rescue, or offers The Gift, assume that, at the very least, he is in like with you. But if he exhibits none of these signs, please, whatever he does-no matter how understanding he is, no matter how long he talks to you on the phone, no matter what he says-you must assume that he does not have the faintest clue about what he is doing. And that, at best, he is only flirting. To do otherwise would be giving him too much credit and might confuse him even more.
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